May 21st

May 21^st is going to be a hard day for us.  It will be a lot like December 27^th was for us.  Anytime parents have to endure any sort of operation on their child, it’s just not easy.  Regardless of how simple or how quick the operation will be, it’s nothing short of torture.  There is so much anxiety involved in the entire process.  It’s easy to persuade your head that all will be fine but convincing your heart, that’s a whole ‘nother story. 

On December 27^th, Chandler had ear tubes put in.  The operation was incredibly simple and quick but the anesthesia…oh that was tough.  It was hard to see him lose control of his sense of awareness after they gave him a small dose of a relaxant, before they took him back.  Even harder, though, was seeing his little self incredibly uncomfortable and restlessly sleepy afterwards.  He was out of it and really very unhappy.  It was heartbreaking to watch and he could not come out of it fast enough for me. 

On May 21^st, my sweet little Cooper will be having a dermoid cyst above his right eye removed.  If the cyst were to be on you or me, it would be removed in the office of a maxillofacial doctor with only local anesthesia.  But because of his age and the sensitivity of the location of the cyst, he has to be sedated and this will be treated as day surgery.  I’m not too incredibly concerned about the actual surgery.  But, there is risk in anesthesia and we have all heard too many horror stories about the side effects of anesthesia for me to feel completely comfortable about that aspect of the surgery. 

Our doctor has reassured us that the cyst will most likely only grow larger and that it would be safe to go ahead and remove it so the tissue can be tested, just to make sure it isn't malignant.  I want to know what it is, of course.  As his Mommy, I can't just look at this thing everyday and continue to worry about what it really is.  Just the thought of letting something dangerous stay in my baby's body sickens me.  It is our job to protect him and keep him safe.  It is highly unlikely that the tissue will be malignant, thankfully.  My prayers tonight will be for those who have children that have to endure so much more than ear tubes and dermoid cysts.  I know how emotionally draining this has been and will be for us.  I can't even begin to imagine the physical, heart-wrenching, sickening pain associated with having a child who is battling a terminal illness or debilitating disease.  I pray that tonight, even if just for a moment, I can carry their burden for them.  I pray comfort for their hurting hearts.  And I pray for peace and healing for their sweet babies.  I can pray these things in His name knowing that there are so many willing and ready to pray these things for us if we ever needed them.  We serve a mighty God, my friends!  I know that my God's protective hands will be covering my baby on May 21st and everything is going to be fine.  I know that if He brings me to it, He plans to see me through it and because of this, I have faith all will be fine.

Giving 100%

TJ and I recently began the hunt for a new family vehicle. In effort to keep my post short (we shall see), I will spare you the details and just say that we love our current car; it’s been good to us. However, there are a few features that would certainly make life a little easier on me if our big, red boat had them. And, she’s getting up there in miles and we are in our car a lot and and and…. I had convinced myself, and TJ, that it was time to trade up. There was a problem, though. Despite paying extra every month, and placing a decent down payment on the ole Expedition, we were still upside down on it. So aggravating!! Well, I continued to look anyways and I finally came across the perfect vehicle for us. A 2010 Suburban. It was nice! More features than I needed but it had the features I so badly wanted to make my life easier. Lets face it. We are in our car a lot. I NEED this car. TJ WANTS this car. Lets do it.

Despite our negative equity on the Expedition, TJ and I decided we would just add to the good size down payment we already had saved up and set aside in order to negate that negative equity and we would go through with the deal. The dealer had the paperwork drawn up and he was going to deliver our new ride last week. But, I just couldn’t deny this tug I was feeling on my heartstrings.

See, TJ and I are big on good financial management and living a life where we control our money rather than feeling controlled by our money. As a college student and when I was first out on my own, I lived a life of debt and always felt like I was drowning. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t as bad as it felt like it was at the time. But, it was a stressful part of life for me. When I met TJ, he was the complete opposite. He was a money hoarder and saved diligently. So, because of his discipline, and the encouragement of a friend who lives a life of financial freedom, I changed my ways and I learned a lot!

Because I have spent the past years living a more disciplined life, I had this lingering, frustrating feeling deep in my heart about buying this Suburban. As badly as I WANTED this car, I couldn’t deny this hesitation I was feeling. I called TJ to talk it over with him and I quickly realized that that lingering feeling in my heart was the Lord’s way of revealing to me an area of my life that I needed to complete the reformation on. Our finances. We talk the talk and really believe in becoming debt free and we practice good financial management in most areas of our life but the one place we have not fully committed our beliefs is in our vehicles! Every two years, I have gotten a different vehicle. Which is perfectly fine…I am absolutely not criticizing those who do the same, because many do, and are accepting of having a car payment. And, I’m not completely against having a car payment, a very, very low one, for a very short amount of time. But I want to be debt free! We want to OWN our car!

We save up and pay cash for things we want (except for vehicles!). We wait until something is broken before we replace it and when we have to replace, we pay cash for it because we have a great safety net that we have saved up and set aside to be able to do that. We try hard to budget. We have paid off most of our debt, including my student loans, just leaving our mortgage and vehicle. I have really changed my ways and I am grateful. However, I believe that when we adopt a set of beliefs, whether it’s a reformation on our spending habits, a decision to live a healthier life, or accepting Christ, you really can’t do any of them half way. Yes, you can indulge on dessert at dinner every now and then but deciding to be healthier means you change multiple aspects of your life. Otherwise, don’t expect results. Same with our finances. Same with your walk with Christ. As a Christian, I have to apply my renewed spirit to my entire life. Every relationship, the words we say, the actions we do, the thoughts we think, the love we give….we are suppose to reflect the heart of Jesus. And yes, we fail. We all fail in many ways. And by His grace, we are forgiven and still saved. But our effort to apply our Godly hearts to every piece of our lives must be evident.

“The Lord your God commands you this day to follow these decrees and laws; carefully observe them with all your heart and with all your soul. You have declared this day that the Lord is your God and that you walk in obedience to him, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws –that you will listen to him.” –Deuteronomy 26:16-17

We cannot buy that car. We believe in living a debt free life and while we are still working towards our goal, if we buy that Suburban, then we are not applying our financial beliefs and values to every part of our lives. We would be completely working against ourselves. We know better!! So, I have fallen back in love with my Expedition and have convinced myself that I will drive it for a little while longer, until it’s paid off, and we can feel the freedom that we know to exist with every debt you lose.

Sometimes the solution really is THAT easy

Here is my running list of various milks we have tried to get Chandler to drink:

Whole milk

2%

1%

Pre-flavored strawberry milk

Pre-flavored chocolate milk

2% flavored at home with strawberry syrup

2% flavored at home with chocolate

Whole milk flavored at home with lots of strawberry and the intentions of slowly lessoning the flavoring

Lactaid (a lactose free milk)

Soy milk

Vanilla flavored soy

Almond milk

Vanilla flavored almond milk

Coconut milk

Vanilla flavored coconut milk

I don’t know what it is about milk but I have just been determined to get Chandler to drink it. I grew up drinking it, lots of it, and I have never broken a bone in my body. I have convinced myself that milk is a necessity for a growing toddler, especially my boy, and that he MUST drink it. He needs some other fats, vitamins, and nutrients (via drinks) other than those supplied through 1/3 cup of juice each day and water! So, I have tried very hard to find a milk he will drink. Who knows how much money we have spent on these milks. When we try a new one, he does a terrible face and will not drink it or try it again later in the day. And we have repeated this process every few days with different milks for months. What’s a mom to do?!

Give the kids some cereal. Apparently THAT is what a mom is to do! Chandler will drink milk, if it’s had cereal in it first. He tips that bowl up and slurps away! Which, might I add, is the only way I will not drink milk. I hate leftover cereal milk. Obviously he likes how sweet it is but we have tried sweeter milks!!

Drink up baby boy! Looks like you'll have a bowl of cereal, heavy on the milk, every morning for the rest of your time under my roof!

And to finally finish my post from a few days...

A few remaining random pictures that recently found their way off my phone and onto my computer.....

My favorite, most recent, random moment captured on my phone!  Chandler always asks to hold Cooper so on this particular morning, I put Cooper in Chandler's little chair with him. They watched cartoons together for a good ten minutes.  Of course my TWO real cameras were dead so the moment had to be captured on my phone!

Chandler fussed and fussed at nap time at my parent's one day.  I finally went in to check on him and this is what I found!  I guess he was bored?!

The best picture of the year!  How incredibly perfect is this sweet little boy who is already trying to pee-pee in the potty (all his idea, too!).  And, for the record, he put the boots on.  I am impressed they are on the correct foot.

Nutella and crackers? Yes, please!

Sweet Cooper, right after his quick arrival into our world!

And I really do have lots of pictures of Cooper!  He is just sleeping in most of them and he is a baby..... that's not very random.  And, when he is awake, his eyes are always red in pictures, which keeps my busy editing them. 

Until the next time (probably in about a year) I take the time to upload the pictures off of my phone!

Our life on my phone

I recently updated the software on my Mac so I could FINALLY upload the pictures from my phone onto my computer. They date back only to May of 2011 but Chandler looks so little in them!  He was only 11 months old in the picture at the bottom.  It is so incredibly hard to believe I am actually starting to think about his second birthday party!  Anyways, here are some random and of course adorable moments in our lives since last May. 

Our first real bruiser care of the fireplace

He is sleeping in our other dog's bed...he does actually have one that he fits in!

Bought this bouncer for Cooper but Chandler decided he needed to play in it.

He knows how to climb the baby gate....in this picture, he finally realized after about 2 minutes of crying that he could see himself in the mirror

Exploring our little piece of property in Mertzon.

Imagine my surprise when this came out of our ice maker!  Interesting.  Random, I know.

Sitting in a feed bucket, petting a goat.

Grocery shopping

Our first little swimming pool...Chandler LOVED it!

Chandler's Mo (my mother) taught him (a condensed version of) patty cake when he was pretty young.  But, in this video, he is getting it confused with the itsy bitsy spider

I'll have to load more later!  There are some really cute pictures of Cooper but, being the second child, you know, his pictures will just have to wait for the time being. ;-) 

  

He Provided

I have plenty of hard days as I continue to adjust to life as an oil patch wife.  I grew up in an 8am-5pm work schedule household, where I had both parents home after 5 each day and every weekend, since I can remember anyways.  TJ works a lot and I am not use to flying solo as often as I do.  He is an amazingly dedicated man.  He leaves for work around 6:45 every morning and he doesn’t get home until 7, 8, or sometimes 9pm and every now and then he is out until the wee hours in the morning.  He works every third weekend so when it’s his weekend to work, it equates to 12 straight days of these hours before he (and I) gets a break (sometimes not quite as late on the weekend).  Our lifestyle has been a major adjustment for me and it has really forced me to learn a lot about myself.  For example, I never knew how much I would really, really need, and want, my spouse.  I NEED him in many ways.  I also never knew how much I would come to depend on my friends.  I had to learn how to put my pride down and ask for help and accept help when it’s offered.  I have learned how to lean on my God more faithfully than I ever have before.  Acclimating to my new norm has not been easy for me, as many of my friends can testify.  But, however slowly I’m getting there, I do know that I am getting there and I am learning a lot along the way.

Despite a few “down days” here and there, I think I am at a fantastic place in life, really.  I believe the Lord knows when we need things the most and at our hungriest, He provides.  Like rain in West Texas.  As we have been suffering through the worst drought in recent history, we all have been praying and praying for rain.  And when the sky fills with dark, promising clouds, we pray even louder and more fervently.  Sometimes those clouds just hover.  Sometimes, they come and go without so much as a single drop of nourishment for our thirsty land.  And when this happens, we all take a deep breath, and we pray again, rest assured in knowing that He will bring it when we need it most.   Never before have I been challenged like I have been challenged in the past few years.  I have been praying and praying for years, and when I needed it most, He provided.  He provided some amazing, beautiful, devout, new friends.  He also provided me with an amazing, new appreciation for the friends I have had for many years.  I need these women.  And I hope I can be for them at least a fraction of what they have been for me.  Some of our friendships date back decades (yes, Chelsea, Megan there is an “s” at the end of decade…..are we that old?!) and some have developed just in the last 5 or 6 years and some even more recent. But, regardless of how long they have each been in my life, they have been a tremendous part of my life.  Serving in different capacities, each one of these very special ladies has been a vital part of maintaining a healthy attitude in the past few years.  I simply can’t express my gratitude for their interest in my well-being.  I praise God for the Christian friends He has surrounded me with.  I believe that He gives me strength and encouragement through them.  He works through each and every one of us!   There isn’t a need for me to list everyone and point out special ways you each have touched my life; that list is just too long.  You know who you are and I hope that my love and appreciation for you is evident.  Thank you, thank you for all you do for me. 

He knew I would need more Godly women in my life.  And He provided.  He provided.  

Recent Pictures of the Boys

Chandler loves to have his boots on!  He finds them, puts them on and he doesn't really care if they match or not.

Mommy 1 Chandler 0

Chandler’s First Timeout

My sweet, innocent, little Chandler received his first timeout a few days ago.  Like most punishable actions of a twenty-month old, it was near impossible for me to maintain my composure and not laugh at the darling child.  

While I was trying to clean up the kitchen, I sent Chandler on a mission to go put Cooper’s baby bathtub back in the bathroom (we bathe Cooper in the kitchen sometimes).  Off he went, dragging the tub, which equaled him in length, behind him.  After about 5 minutes of scary silence, I went to check on his progress only to meet him in the living room, caring a cup of water, sloshing small amounts of it all over the place.  Hmm….water in a cup, I thought.  Okay…..  Well, I scared him as we met and he dumped the cup all over the living room floor.  Mind you, the cup was still quite full so now there was a lot of water all over our carpet.  Hmmmm….water all over the carpet.  Then, the lightbulb went off and I realized where the water probably came from.  I’m sure you can guess.  Chandler is not tall enough to reach the sink faucet, even with his stool.  And, he can’t turn the bathtub water on.  So I was starting to put it all together and went into the bathroom, only to find Cooper’s bathtub with about an inch of water in it, a rather large puddle around the base of the toilet, and smaller puddles scattered throughout the bathroom.  Great.

Needless to say, I told Chandler that we don’t play in the toilet and that he was going to timeout and he looked at me with the most perplexed, blank stare.  After all, he was just filling up the bathtub, right?!  I am exceptionally proud of him for problem solving! But, I sat him down in the hallway, continuing to explain his wrong-doing in the most basic words I could find without laughing and I went to work cleaning up the water.  He only tried to get up once and I quickly sat him back down and that’s when the crying started.   I made him sit there for two minutes, which felt like ten to me, and to him, I’m sure.  I think the timeout was successful and I really think he got it.  I am grateful for another discipline tool I can finally use with him.  I’m not so grateful for the toilet water but as long as some good came out of it, I suppose. 

 

Am I Too Late....

To this blog party?!  As I visit some of the blogs of friends and other fantastic women whom I find encouragement in, I am seeing their archives dating back pretty far.  Like 2008 far.  Geez.  2008.  In 2008 I met my husband.  In 2008, I was somewhat financially irresponsible (post topic?).  In 2008, I was certainly not the Christian I am today (post topic!).  In 2008, I drank a good amount of beer (no post necessary).  I was a very different, young, maturing girl.  I have grown a lot and learned so much about myself and how I want to live life.  I actually started to blog in August 2009.  My first post was also my last and it was really one big rant about one issue.  I’ll share that post on this blog someday because it is still something I am very passionate about.  But, 2008 that was a long time ago… I’ll move on in order to quit thinking about how old (and wise?) I am getting.  Anyways….

You know, I find myself driving, which I do a lot, thinking and praying, praying and thinking, and very often I wish I could get my thoughts out of my head and down on paper (or my Mac) and maybe even blog about some of them.  And then I quickly doubt myself, “no one really cares about what's going on in your head, Ashley!”  But I have finally come to the understanding that it doesn’t matter if anyone does care.  My words might not mean a hill of beans to you.   And that’s fine.  They matter to me.  My life is daily an opportunity for ME to grow and learn as a mother, wife, daughter, friend and most importantly, as a Christian.  So perhaps if you can’t relate, I can, when I come back to one post or another as I go through life’s struggles.  I can remember where I have been and focus on where I want to be.  Maybe a private journal would be more appropriate?  I don’t know.  But I do know that I type faster than I write and I really wanted to start blogging so I could share more intimate, wonderful pictures and stories about our family.  My posts might be about these random, lingering thoughts in my head or, probably more likely, about my beautiful babies and their adventures.  I’m not really sure how I will use this blog yet.  I think it’s one of those, ‘you won’t know until you do it kind of things”?  I really want to start sharing, though, whatever it is I have to share.    

So while I am late, I guess I’m not too late to get started.  My children have inspired me.  I was pretty uninspired and boring in 2008.